


Couples Try: The Cuddle Sutra

by Ghoulboyboos



Series: The Ace!Shane Tales [3]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Ace! Shane, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Couple Activities, Cuddle Sutra, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-06-27 01:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15675588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghoulboyboos/pseuds/Ghoulboyboos
Summary: “But have you ever heard of the Cuddle Sutra?”Ned, Ariel and a bunch of the other guests frown a little. Finally, Ariel speaks.“I have not heard of that, I’ll admit.”Ned agrees.Over the course of the next hour, Shane sees Kate explain the Cuddle Sutra, first when she is explaining it to others, then when she’s talking to Ryan and Shane.“So the Cuddle Sutra is a free PDF book created by Rob Grader and his wife, Karen, and it describes different ways of cuddling and non-sexual physical contact that couples can profit from.”Shane can imagine the reaction shots of the other couples, most of them curious and eager. He has to admit, he feels similar about it and when he looks to his right, he sees that Ryan’s eyes are twinkling and he is smiling at Shane with that huge, wide smile that makes him so incredibly lovable and Shane’s heart softens.“Alright!” He finally says, allowing excitement to pull him along. “Let’s do this, I wanna see what they did!”





	1. Cuddle Sutra: The Husband

**Author's Note:**

> I had comments ask for more Ace!Shane so it didn't matter whether I have 4 projects going I started a new one and it's all fluff and cuddles and Asexuality. Because... I need it too. Ace Representation matters, babes.
> 
> The Cuddle Sutra is available as a free PDF and I encourage all of you cuddlers to try it out.

“Hey Shane?”

Shane looks up from his laptop at Kate Sosa. He hasn’t seen her in ages. She’s usually busy producing videos. He can’t help be impressed at her energy, having at least 70 videos to her name she was lead producer on while he is still waiting to crack the 50 despite the Ruining History going well.

“What’s up, Kate?”

She smiles a little bashful.

“So… are you and Ryan official or are you on the down-low about it?”

Shane blinks. He wants to ask why that’s important but he guesses it’s probably for a video including couples.

“I mean… In the office, yeah. We made a single post on Instagram and that blew up to- Well, you know.”

She smiles a bit.

“But we haven’t been acting like a couple in front of the cameras. We don’t wanna distract from the “meat” of the video, you know?”

“Yeah. I get it. So would you not be comfortable being in a couples video?”

Bullseye for Shane’s assumptions there.

“I mean… I would but I really have to ask Ryan first. Can you tell me what kind of couples video?”

She weighs her head.

“I guess I can give you a little hint. It’s a test of sorts, with something that includes physical closeness.”

Shane is about to open his mouth when she quickly adds:

“Nothing sexual, I promise.”

Shane lifts an eyebrow.

“Okay… well. I’ll ask Ryan and email you, if that’s okay?”

Kate smiles.

“Sure, just tell me by Wednesday. Otherwise I’ll just assume you’re not in.”

“Okay.”

 

He watches her leave with a bit of a lump in his throat. Ryan and he have not been openly acting as a couple so far and despite all the things they have going on at home, despite him taking care of Ryan’s needs and Ryan being so loving and understanding, they were still pretty private people and kind of shy about their relationship when it came to the public. Ryan probably would be pretty hesitant to this whole thing. Well, if he didn’t want to, Shane would tell Kate no. But if Ryan wanted to… was Shane ready to get their relationship in the open?

 

He thought about it. Calling Ryan his boyfriend or his partner in front of their friends felt really good. It felt like he was making things official, making them real. Shane had a lot of issues to deal with and to this day he was working on grievances of the past. His first girlfriend had asked him why he wanted to stay a virgin when everyone else was ready to get into sex as fast as possible. His first boyfriend had gotten bored, saying that if all the action he was going to get was jerking off, he could also be single. His third girlfriend said she was fine with it, but eventually she broke up with him, teary-eyed and desperate because she “couldn’t take it anymore.” His second boyfriend cheated on him and had the audacity to tell Shane to his face that it was his fault because he “didn’t put out.” He had faced a lot of days where he wished he could have been born differently, wished he had that sense for sexual attraction and the urge to screw his partner into the mattress. But there was nothing.

 

With Ryan, things were a little different. Sometimes, touching Ryan was fine. Sometimes, seeing Ryan lost in sexual pleasure made him happy. Shane could see himself in a lot of situations with Ryan he couldn’t see himself with anyone else.

 

But still, by the end of the day, it was Ryan and his attitude that made Shane truly happy. Ryan was fine with the way Shane felt. Ryan wanted to be with Shane because he loved him, because he wanted to spend time together and because he could see them talk and talk for hours on end. Ryan would have thrown his sex life away without a second thought in order to be with Shane and to this day, that thought could make Shane teary eyed. He sometimes feels guilt twist his stomach, but no matter how many time he brings it up, Ryan is right there to soothe his worries.

 

“Shane. I’m with you because I want to be with you. I’m not dating you for fucking. I’m not trapped in the thought that I would never find someone. I know that I already found the right one for me and it’s you. I’m bad at… putting it into words but… Shane. I want to be with you and only you. Whatever way you want. I love you. I adore you. It’s not about desire or fucking! Like- I’m fine. Any way you want me, I’m here. Even if you decided tomorrow you want to just be friends, I’ll be fine. As long as you’re part of my life, I’m happy.”

 

And God help him, Shane could weep every time he remembers the night Ryan told him this. But he is happy with so much more Ryan would be satisfied by. Once their relationship tip-toed into new areas, they started to grow even closer. Ryan would trust him with deep, secret parts of himself that he buried a long time ago and Shane was so happy being in the position to make his boyfriend feel happy, listened to and loved.

 

They grew so close over the last couple of months that Shane can barely imagine his life without Ryan. He sometimes thinks that they could make things official, that their lives are already so intertwined that he could ask Ryan that one big question on the horizon. But he’s careful and because they decided to take things slow, he is ready to wait. What he truly knows, however, despite all his doubts and self-consciousness is that Ryan loves him. Truly and happily loves him.

 

And that knowledge is what gets him to text Ryan finally, mention whatever Kate is planning and Shane asks in careful wording if Ryan would also like to be in the video. Ryan doesn’t answer him by text, instead he shows up at their desks and gives Shane a slight kiss against his temple.

 

“I don’t know what she’s planning, but she is usually a really good judge of character, so I think I trust her with this. And I would love to be in a couple’s video with you, babe.”

 

Shane smiles and he feels his cheeks hurt with how wide the smile is.

 

“I love you.”

 

He wanted to say anything, maybe “Good” or “Cool” or “Thank you” but that’s what he said and he’s rewarded by Ryan’s bright, wide smile and a squeeze to his shoulder because the office is slowly getting more and more busy.

 

“I love you, too, Shane. I can’t wait to join this nonsense with you.”

 

Shane laughs. He can’t wait either.

 

-

 

The day of the first shoot is coming up and they help each other dress. Shane picks the new flannel Ryan owns since the restyling video and Ryan combines it with dark jeans and he looks amazing. Shane picks his favorite striped hoodie and dark pants and when he stands in front of Ryan and holds out his arms with a “What do you think?”, Ryan just stands on his tiptoes and kisses his cheek.

 

“You look so cute.”

Shane grins widely.

“Good.”

 

The shoot is in one of the bigger sets and they are surprised to see a big fluffy air mattress on set. Shane repeats Kate’s assertion that it’s not a sex thing in his head over and over but he’s still getting nervous. He stares at the other couples on set. Ned and Ariel, of course and Keith and Becky. No matter if the Try Guys left Buzzfeed, they would still pop over a lot to join videos. Shane takes in everyone else – some he knows by name, some he doesn’t – and realizes that he and Ryan are going to be the only queer representation, which doesn’t really help with his nerves. Before he can worry too much, however, Ryan takes his hand and the touch alone brings him back. He looks over to see Ryan smile at him softly.

 

“Ready, big guy?”

He feels himself smile, too.

“Sure.”

 

-

 

“So, what are we doing today?”

Ned is the first one to ask the question and Shane strains his ears from behind the camera.

“Well, I’m sure many of you heard of the Karma Sutra, right?” Kate opens and both Ned and Ariel laugh a bit.

“I mean… I haven’t _read_ it, but yes.” Ned says and Ariel nods and holds up her hands as if to say “Me either.”

Kate grins and goes on.

“But have you ever heard of the Cuddle Sutra?”

Ned, Ariel and a bunch of the other guests frown a little. Finally, Ariel speaks.

“I have not heard of _that_ , I’ll admit.”

Ned agrees.

 

Over the course of the next hour, Shane sees Kate explain the Cuddle Sutra piece by piece; first when she is explaining it to others, then later when she’s talking to Ryan and Shane.

 

“So the Cuddle Sutra is a free PDF book created by Rob Grader and his wife, Karen, and it describes different ways of cuddling and non-sexual physical contact that couples can profit from.”

Shane can imagine the reaction shots of the other couples, most of them curious and eager. He has to admit, he feels similar about it and when he looks to his right, he sees that Ryan’s eyes are twinkling and he is smiling at Shane with that huge, wide smile that makes him so incredibly lovable and Shane’s heart softens.

“Alright!” He finally says, allowing excitement to pull him along. “Let’s do this, I wanna see what they did!”

 

-

 

Each couple does different positions, but Shane is already thinking about downloading the piece and maybe get Ryan to try it out sometimes. He doesn’t expect Ryan to take his hand while Keith and Becky settle on the mattress and become a tangle of limbs.

“I want to get this one and try it with you.”

 

Shane turns in surprise and sees Ryan smile widely and happily and he has to swallow hard. He doesn’t trust his voice so he just nods and Ryan leans his forehead against Shane’s shoulder, rubbing his head against him a little.

His heart feels so full it could burst.

 

Finally, it’s their turn. Ryan is standing next to him, listening to Kate’s descriptions and he looks determined and focused, so focused it actually manages to make Shane feel a tiny bit nervous. Kate explains that they will stick to Part One of the book for now, which focuses on the more private displays of affection while Part Two has suggestions for affection that can also work in more public spaces. Shane flushes without wanting to. Romantic and sensual affections are usually pretty private to him, in the same way someone else might guard their sex life. But Ryan is right here and he is relaxed and wants to make Shane happy, so he feels surprisingly safe.

 

Kate records part of the voiceover when they are present and he hears how the three main aspects of BDSM, which are safe, sane and consensual are three T’s with the Cuddle Sutra: Talk, Touch and Togetherness. It sounds a little silly, but more than that, it sounds like a lot of planning went into this and Shane feels oddly emotional. Last week he couldn’t imagine that there was a piece of media like this, completely focused on non-sexual intimacy and it almost makes him tear up. Ryan must have caught on with what Shane is feeling because he reaches over to take his hand and rubs circles on Shane’s palm with his thumb. When Shane looks over, Ryan pushes up on his tiptoes and kisses him.

 

“I can’t wait to try this out at home with you.”

Shane smiles wobbly.

“Me either.”

They push their foreheads together and stay that way until it’s their turn.

 

-

 

“Okay.” Kate says. “The position we want you to try is called The Husband.”

Shane snorts and Ryan wheezes.

“Okay.” Ryan seems very amused. “Lay it on us.”

“Well.” Kate seems to be grinning. “You better pick who is lying on whom.”

They look at each other, smiling a little in embarrassment until Shane shrugs and says.

“You can lean on me I’m cool with that.” It gets him a smile in return.

“Alright.” Ryan sounds like he is about to laugh.

 

With Kate’s directions he lies down on his side, taking the pillow that is offered to him. He lies on his side and tries to relax in the position, breathing out slowly. His knees pull up till they are at about a 90 degree angle and Kate tells him to stay that way. Ryan looks at the image that’s being shown to him on one of the helping producer’s phone. He turns his head for a moment, maybe taking in how the position works before he nods.

 

“Okay.” Ryan chuckles a little. “Looks like you’re kind of my bench for this.”

Shane snorts into the pillow and doesn’t move as Ryan crawls over the mattress towards him. Ryan turns and settles his back against Shane’s stomach and then throws his arms over Shane’s side like he normally would over the back of a sofa. His back is warm and solid against Shane’s chest and ribs and he feels himself relax almost immediately. He can see Ryan cross his legs at the ankle as he stretches them out in front of him. His left hand reaches up and tickles Shane’s neck for a moment before the fingers dig into his hair. Ryan’s other arm settles on Shane’s hip in a relaxed position and he could melt into the soft air mattress underneath them with the pressure that is put onto his frame. He could fall asleep like this, but Kate has questions so he has to force himself to stay alert.

 

“So, what do you think?”

Ryan speaks first:  
“It’s surprisingly comfortable. A bit like lying in a chair but… it’s someone who is warm and nice to be with so I’m gonna say this is better than just a chair." His hand strokes Shane’s hair and Shane can see the camera focusing in on that. Whatever. It’s already a relative intimate moment of camera, at least he will be able to watch Ryan’s affections again later and allow his heart to beat just a little faster at the adoration he knows will show in Ryan’s eyes. It's the main reason why he doesn't make a quip about Ryan comparing him to furniture.

When Kate turns to him, he grins and wiggles a bit in his position.

“It’s really nice, actually. I could see that be a great thing to watch TV together. We can both look ahead, we’re both warm...”  
He turns his head a bit to look up at Ryan.

“Are you comfortable?”

Ryan chuckles and reaches out to scratch the top of Shane’s head for real this time.

“Very. Like.. all of this feels like I’m sitting in an armchair.” He strokes his hand over Shane’s knee and thigh, the other is still petting his hair. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh this is great!” Shane says and hums softly as Ryan’s fingers drag down to the back of his neck. He is relaxed and warm and happy, despite the cameras on them and the crew surrounding the mattress they are stretched out on.

 

“I have to say.” Shane opens his eyes and looks at Kate. “This is really nice. I feel warm and relaxed. Originally I thought this would feel like being used as some back rest but- I’m ready to accept that I was wrong.”

Ryan chuckles and slips down a little, settling more against Shane.

“I was actually afraid that I would make you feel uncomfortable but… this is really nice and you liking it makes it better, actually.”

Shane brings up his right arm that was curled next to his face and wraps it around Ryan. They sit like that for a moment, just looking at each other and Shane thinks this will probably make it into the video, but he is so comfortable he really doesn’t care.

 

-

 

Towards the end of the video, Kate asks if they will download the book and try out the stuff themselves and Shane suddenly feels shy. Part of his brain suggests that it’s probably a hassle for Ryan and a lot of extra work and he curls in on himself.

Ryan however, whether he noticed Shane’s dilemma or not, is quick to answer.

“Oh for sure I’m gonna get it! I haven’t felt this comfortable in front of a camera in a long time and I can’t wait to try out all the other positions. What do you think?”

He looks over at Shane, smile big and Shane feels his chest expand.

“Yeah!” He says and feels his grin widen. “It really sounds like a lot of fun and I can’t wait to try this out.”

 

After the cameras are off, Ryan takes his hand and brings it up to his mouth to kiss Shane’s knuckles. Shane swallows.

“What was that for?”

Ryan shrugs.

“You’re doing so much for me. I guess I’m just happy we found something I can do for you. With you. Something that makes us both happy and brings us together without having to include sexual stuff.”

Shane opens his mouth. He wants to say he doesn’t mind anything sexual between them happening. He wants to say many things are fine as long as it’s him doing it for Ryan. But then he realizes why Ryan is so eager. With this, they both feel relaxed and happy and loved. But it also gives Ryan an option to give back to Shane and he clearly has latched onto that possibility with all he’s got and Shane could not be more touched by this.

 

“I see.” He finally says and tugs Ryan closer by his hand to kiss him. “Guess today, I can’t wait for you to take me home, babe.”

Ryan flushes and then smiles, wide and bright.

“I can’t wait. I wanted to make you feel that extra happiness for so long.”

Shane swallows.

Had Ryan just talked about making him feel happy, Shane would have protested, because Ryan really and truly made him happy. But the implication of going to go the extra mile makes him so happy he has to swallow part of the emotions welling up or else he will cry.

“Okay.” He says softly. “Please… Ryan. Pick something that will let you hold me. Okay?”

Ryan winds his arms around Shane’s middle and pulls him in to hug him tight.

“I promise. Baby, we’re gonna do the whole Cuddle Sutra and then you can pick your favorites and I swear: I will do any position you like for you. Whenever you need it.”

Shane looks down and Ryan leans up, kissing Shane and it feels promising and loving. When Ryan pulls back, he is grinning and it’s so similar to whenever Ryan has new plans to capture spirits.

 

“Don’t worry, babe. I’ll take such good care of you.”

Ryan runs a hand through Shane’s hair and Shane sighs and relaxes. He barely hears Ryan speak:

“I love you. Let’s go home and grab this thing for ourselves, okay?”

Shane wouldn’t even dream of refusing.


	2. Cuddle Sutra: The Horizontal Hold + Come to Papa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan prints out the entirety of the PDF and the printer spits out a hundred and thirty pages while Shane is wheezing in the background over Ryan looking a little horrified at their toner level going down. He knows it’s for show because Ryan’s eyes widen SO MUCH he looks like the tiny-pupiled Sim Shane created forever ago in the Sims video.
> 
> “I’m so glad I put it in black and white and not color, holy shit.”  
> Ryan is laughing as he sees the stack of papers grow.
> 
> There is a softness to his features and when he looks at Shane, he smiles affectionately.  
> “You could go through what we have so far and pick something we can watch Netflix in, if you want?”  
> Shane chuckles at the wording.  
> “Sure. I’ll find something nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty short, sorry about that, but I wanted to add a little something to it today. :)

Ryan prints out the entirety of the PDF and the printer spits out a hundred and thirty pages while Shane is wheezing in the background over Ryan looking a little horrified at their toner level going down. He knows it’s for show because Ryan’s eyes widen SO MUCH he looks like the tiny-pupiled Sim Shane created forever ago in the Sims video.

 

“I’m so glad I put it in black and white and not color, holy shit.”

Ryan is laughing as he sees the stack of papers grow.

 

There is a softness to his features and when he looks at Shane, he smiles affectionately.

“You could go through what we have so far and pick something we can watch Netflix in, if you want?”

Shane chuckles at the wording.

“Sure. I’ll find something nice.”

 

The half that is printed is topped with Chapter 2, starting from the last page so they would have a stack of the complete book in the end and he smiles when he sees a list of couch cuddles. Perfect.

 

When Ryan joins him in the living room, he slaps the rest of the Cuddle Sutra on the couch table.

“Popcorn?”

“Of course! Queer Eye?”

Ryan snorts. Shane has tried to make him watch the show for weeks now after learning that he doesn’t know what a French Tuck is.

“Sure.”

 

Ryan returns with popcorn to see Shane arrange the cushions on the couch to one corner, forming a cuddly little seat on one side.

“I was thinking we could do the horizontal hold? It’s a little like the husband but more cuddly.”

Ryan looks at the page and the illustration and smiles.

“Sure. Want me to hold you?”

Shane swallows, his heart thrumming.

“Yes, please.”

It should be embarrassing but Ryan just walks over to the corner of the couch and settles in the cushions. He drags the bowl with popcorn over and then takes the description of the pose.

Ryan slowly settles in the cushions, stretching out one leg across the couch and pulling up the other one forward, crooking it a bit.

Shane leans over the couch, adjusting pillows.

“You comfortable? I don’t want you to get a cramp halfway through the show.”

Ryan laughs.

“I’m good. We can always try out another one when we need to resettle.”

Oh. Shane hadn’t really thought of that.

“Right.”

He crawls onto the couch and settles on his side. Ryan’s outstretched leg touches his back and he settles in between his boyfriend’s legs, pushing up on his elbow a little. He makes sure not to lie on Ryan’s crooked leg and instead settles in the pillows as good as he can. Ryan snakes his arms around Shane’s shoulders and side and pulls him closer and as Shane leans back against Ryan’s chest, he feels warmth and relaxation wash over him. He sighs as he relaxes.

Ryan’s chuckle tickles his hair.

“Good?”  
“Hm-hm. It’s wonderful.”

A kiss is pressed to his temple and he can feel Ryan’s soft smile.

“Great.”

 

They don’t start the show right away. For a couple of minutes, Shane lets himself just feel lying in Ryan’s embrace and Ryan has started to pet his hair, which seems to be one of his favorite activities.

“Are you comfortable?” He asks.

“Very. How about you?”

“I’m in fucking heaven.”

Ryan giggles above him. He continues to stroke his fingers over Shane’s head.

“Good. Then let’s start.”

He grabs the controller and starts the first season of Queer Eye and Shane grabs the popcorn to cradle it against his chest, close enough so Ryan can reach it, too.

 

It doesn’t even take fifteen minutes for Ryan to fall in love with the Fab5 and Tom and Shane smirks to himself, biting down the “I told you so” in favor of shoveling popcorn into his mouth.

 

They don’t move from their position till episode five, when Ryan calls for a pee break. Shane makes more popcorn and when he returns, Ryan is back in position and holds out his arms for him with a wide smile.

 

Shane throws himself onto the couch so quickly that he almost spills the snacks. Ryan is laughing so hard he wheezes as he curls his arms around Shane and pulls him in again.

 

-

 

Later, when they settle into bed, Shane brings his arms out and grins at Ryan when his boyfriend turns off the light in their bathroom.

 

“Ryan...”

“Hmm?”

Ryan smirks at Shane, idling at the end of the bed to tease a little.

“Come to Papa!”

Ryan wheezes and doubles over so hard he vanishes out of Shane’s field of view for a moment. He gently pushes himself up on the bed and stares at Shane with a shake of his head.

“No. Definitely not. You’re terrible.”

Shane pouts at him.

“That’s the name of the pose...”

Ryan is still laughing a little as he crawls over Shane.

“I don’t care, you are not allowed to say that in our bedroom. Actually, you’re not allowed to say that to me _anywhere_.”

Shane giggles. Ryan looks so fucking cute in his mock-outrage.

“Alright, alright. Still, come here?”

Ryan smirks and lies down on his side next to Shane before rolling most of his weight on top of him. His head drops on Shane’s shoulder and he throws an arm across Shane’s chest, winding it half around his body.

Shane sighs as he wraps his arms around Ryan’s shoulders and pulls him in closer and their legs entangle slowly. Ryan is warm and safe against his body and he can smell his shampoo. A kiss is pressed against his shoulder.

 

“You know,” Ryan says, mumbling into Shane’s t-shirt. “These poses aren’t that spectacular mostly, we have actually done a bunch of the stuff, like linking fingers, holding hands, just hugging and such… but I like that it’s… almost a project if you will.”

Shane hums in understanding. He knows what Ryan means. Whatever the poses are like, there is something special in picking them out of a book for each occasion. Especially, because it was Ryan’s idea and because Ryan jumped onto the book so quickly because it meant he could do something for and with Shane that was intimate in the form Shane loves the most.

 

Ryan squeezes him a little bit, hooking his leg around Shane’s and snuggling against him more. Shane can’t contain himself and buries his nose in Ryan’s hair, hugging him tightly for a moment so both he and Ryan make a vaguely stained noise from the squeeze, which turns into laughter when Shane lets go again.

 

“Don’t squish me so hard.” Ryan mutters against Shane’s shoulder, but there is no real annoyance in it. Shane rubs his back apologetically and kisses the top of Ryan’s head.

 

“Sorry. I love you.”

Ryan’s chuckle rumbles against his chest.

“I love you too. Goodnight Shane.”

“Goodnight.”

 

Ryan falls asleep relatively quickly, his even breath a soft tickle against Shane’s neck while Shane stays awake, looking at the ceiling with a stupid smile because he is so damn happy. He knows he’s being a sap and he would probably not let himself be caught like this at work or anywhere that wasn’t just Ryan and him. But right now, in the darkness of their home, he can hold Ryan with all the besotted smiles he wants without feeling the least bit ashamed of it. Ryan’s hand slips out from under his back and onto his shoulder and he looks down and meets finds him awake, meeting his eyes.

 

“I can hear you think.”

Ryan’s voice is already thick with sleep.

“Sorry.” Shane smiles at him sheepishly.

“Try to get some sleep, baby, okay?”

“Okay.”

Shane sighs when Ryan lies back down on him and settles his head against Ryan’s. His eyes are heavy and his mind at rest and before he can think too much about how quickly he is falling asleep after his boyfriend told him to, he’s in dreamland.


	3. The Cold-Fashioned + Two Pillows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He loves spending time here, but loves it even more when he can bring Ryan along. At home, Shane feels different, feels like a brighter, easier excitable, happier version of himself when he’s around his family. When he's not busy catching up or letting his mom feed them until they burst, he will take long walks with Ryan to show him the spots where he played as a kid, where he went to school and a few more. The tree he fell out of and almost cracked his head when he was eight. The swing set he had been broken up with by his first ever girlfriend – Ryan gives him a look at that and Shane shrugs. Life moves in strange directions.
> 
> "If she hadn't done that, I would have never been confused about people wanting sex and then I wouldn't have read up about it. Sure, it sucked at the time. But that way I found out I was asexual. And I found out I liked both boys and girls when it comes to dating. Wasn't easy, sure, but it was better than being confused and thinking something was wrong with me."
> 
> Ryan squeezes his hand and they walk a little closer after that. Shane feels something flutter in his chest and he can't keep the smile that splits his face at bay.

Schaumburg is a pretty place year round and Shane is glad to see that Ryan thinks the same.

 

He loves spending time here, but loves it even more when he can bring Ryan along. At home, Shane feels different, feels like a brighter, easier excitable, happier version of himself when he’s around his family. When he's not busy catching up or letting his mom feed them until they burst, he will take long walks with Ryan to show him the spots where he played as a kid, where he went to school and a few more. The tree he fell out of and almost cracked his head when he was eight. The swing set he had been broken up with by his first ever girlfriend – Ryan gives him a look at that and Shane shrugs. Life moves in strange directions.

"If she hadn't done that, I would have never been confused about people wanting sex and then I wouldn't have read up about it. Sure, it sucked at the time. But that way I found out I was asexual. And I found out I liked both boys and girls when it comes to dating. Wasn't easy, sure, but it was better than being confused and thinking something was wrong with me."

Ryan squeezes his hand and they walk a little closer after that. Shane feels something flutter in his chest and he can't keep the smile that splits his face at bay.

 

What Ryan doesn’t love about Schaumburg is the winters. Sure, he has expressed his glee at seeing snow again and his excitement had been clear when he joined the snowball fight with Shane, Scott and a couple of old friends. But during their walks, Ryan gets a little jittery. He will pull his hand out of Shane’s over and over to rub it with the other and blow in them, stomp his feet and complain about the cold. Shane will laugh and tease him about being a delicate little flower that yearns for the California sun and they will giggle as they toss jabs at each other back and forth. Sometimes, they walk with Shane's arm around Ryan to keep him warm, but they end up stepping on each other's toes like that, so hand holding is a lot better, coordination-wise. However, Ryan's hands and fingers will get icy with time and he's clearly not pleased.

 

Ryan interrupts their banter again to pull his hand from Shane’s and rub his hands together again and Shane can’t take it anymore. When Ryan reaches out for his hand again, Shane interlinks their arms instead and shoves his hand in his pocket. Ryan pauses for a second, looking down in surprise but then he gets it and puts his hand in his pocket as well. They grin at each other for a moment, arms linked and hands safely stashed in their warm pockets. Shane leans in a bit to kiss the tip of Ryan’s nose. It’s pretty cold.

 

“Come on, buddy. We’ll go back and make some hot chocolate with marshmallows and I’ll ask my dad to get the fireplace going.”

Ryan’s eyes sparkle at that.

“You know how to win a man’s heart, babe.”

Shane waggles his eyebrows.

“I sure do. Nobody can resist the Madej family recipe for hot coco.”

 

Ryan snorts but he shuffles closer as they keep their arms linked, walking through the snow back to the house.

 

-

 

That night, when they brush their teeth next to each other, Ryan looks at Shane through the bathroom mirror and seems deep in thought. Shane wants to ask what he’s pondering, but Ryan seems still a little closed off, as if he hasn’t reached the end of the thought he’s working on, yet, so Shane decides not to pry.

 

When he settles on his back in his old bed, head sinking in the pillows, he yawns. It’s been a long day and he could fall asleep right away. Ryan crawls into bed, but instead of lying next to him, slowly settles his head on Shane’s chest, leaning his back against his pillow as he curls up. Shane automatically reaches for Ryan’s hair and runs his fingers through. Ryan sighs softly and brings his hands up to pillow them on Shane, right next to his face. Shane stretches out his free arm and wraps it around Ryan’s back, pulling the blanket around them a little more so Ryan is wrapped up enough.

 

Ryan sighs again, sounding happy.

 

“You’re warm.” He mutters. “And comfortable.”

Shane laughs softly, ruffling Ryan’s hair again.

“Good. Glad to hear that.”

Ryan giggles a bit as he snuggles closer and Shane’s heart swells at the feeling of his boyfriend curling up on him.

“What were you thinking about, earlier?”

He half expects Ryan to stiffen. Sometimes, Ryan can’t help but think about things that bother him, he will swallow them up and push them down and hide them because he hates bothering others with anything. Shane manages usually to get him to share at least a little bit to make things easier. But coaxing anything out of Ryan is tough, because Ryan is always afraid he's putting too much on people.

However, this time Ryan laughs, a little breathlessly.

“Ah well, it’s a bit stupid.”

Shane snorts.

“Never kept you from that before.”

“Wow. Dick.” Ryan laughs and softly smacks Shane’s leg. Shane snorts and rubs Ryan’s back soothingly.

“Sorry. I don’t think most of your contemplations are stupid. Except for the ghost and alien stuff.”

Ryan sighs and Shane can practically see him roll his eyes.

“Well it’s not about that.”

Shane slowly runs his fingers through Ryan’s hair, untangling the strands.

“What was it about?” He asks softly. Ryan absentmindedly runs his hand over Shane’s stomach.

“This place is so pretty. Did you ever think about moving back here?”

 

Shane pauses, surprised.

“I mean… I guess? In my early days at Buzzfeed I definitely thought about it. But I have a life in L.A. now. Would be a bit tough to shoot Unsolved like that.”

Ryan laughs.

“Sure. But I mean… in the long run. One day we might shoot the last Unsolved episode. Maybe you get another job, I don’t know.”

Shane frowns looking down. He can’t see Ryan’s face with his boyfriend curled up the other direction, but he reaches out and brushes against his cheek.

“What brought this up? You know I love L.A. I like living there. I like being there with you.”

Ryan rolls over to face him, looking a little worried.

 

“I was just thinking, your whole family is here and they are so important to you. I don’t want to hold you in L.A. if you have the chance of being here. I wouldn’t mind. I mean, sure, I’m bad with the cold but it would be fine.”

Shane’s eyebrows jump upwards.

“You… thought about moving here with me?”

Ryan shrugs.

“I mean, sure? If you want to, one day?”

“Oh.”

Shane cups Ryan’s face.

 

For a moment, both of them just stare at each other in silence. Then Shane smiles.

 

“I prefer living with you in the sun, babe. Sure, I like coming here, but I left the nest and build my own. With you on top of that. I like the idea of us maybe buying a house there, one day.”

Ryan’s cheeks flush and he starts to smile widely.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Ryan pushes up to lean over Shane and kiss him.

“It is a pretty place, though.” He mutters as they part.

“It is.” Shane agrees, not knowing where Ryan is going.

“It would be a pretty place for a wedding, one day.”

Shane blinks and leans back a little to take in Ryan’s face. His boyfriend looks shy, bottom lip trapped between his teeth but he is looking at him, biting down on a wide smile and his big, dark, eyes on Shane’s face. Shane swallows around a lump that builds in his throat and brings up a hand to cup the back of Ryan’s head.

 

“Yeah. It really would.” He says softly as he pulls Ryan in again.

 

When Ryan settles back on his chest later, Shane keeps stroking his hair until his hand feels too heavy to lift. They are curled together, warm and safe and he dreams of a fuzzy memory with him and Ryan in a park in Schaumburg in summer, holding each others hands while looking at each other and he isn’t exactly sure, but he believes some friends and family are there, too.

 

It feels nice.


	4. The Main Squeeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shane?”
> 
> Shane feels himself smile softly as he scoots closer.
> 
> “Hey, babe. Sorry for waking you. I’m home now, you can sleep some more.”
> 
> He half expects Ryan to drift off again, but instead the other man smiles at him and opens his arms, throwing a leg over Shane’s hip. His fingers curl around Shane’s shoulders and coax him closer until Shane falls into him with a sigh. His forehead settles on Ryan’s shoulder first as strong arms wrap around his back. Shane wraps one of his arms around Ryan in response and curls the other one up between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm not dead and I haven't abandoned anything, but I had some health stuff to take care off and writing comes to me hard these days.  
> But! I wrote this out of need for fluff and the Main Squeeze is probably my favorite position in the book. It looks like nothing but close, perfect comfort and it would be just what one needs after a long, tiring day <3
> 
> Sorry that this is so short.

Shane closes the door to the apartment behind himself, sighing and leaning back against it. It’s late, far too late and he glances around, seeing no light from the living room or the kitchen. He drops his keys in the bowl next to the door, toes off his shoes and makes a half-assed attempt to push them in their spot. His jacket feels heavy as he shrugs it off, even though it’s just his old jean jacket. The one he has dragged through so many locations, dusty and dank “haunted” houses and the “cryptid-infested” outdoors. He feels weary and tired and at the same time way too keyed up. Work has been a hassle lately with a lot of new little projects to start. It’s fun, but it’s too much at once and he barely gets to see Ryan at work anymore, both of them being places that aren’t their shared desks. He wanted to be home earlier, he really did. When Ryan left at around six, Shane promised to follow soon, he just needed to finish up this one little final thing…

 

Except now it was past ten and while they usually stayed up longer, Ryan seems to have given up on waiting for Shane to come home and gone to bed. Part of Shane is glad he did, because he would hate to make Ryan’s already terrible sleep schedule worse. But at the same time, he feels tired, guilty and abandoned. He wants to curl up on the couch with his boyfriend and watch a movie, maybe eat takeout or some popcorn, but instead he comes home to a dark apartment which is slowly getting cold despite the SoCal weather. It’s not Ryan’s fault, it really isn’t. Shane is just tired and sad and exhausted. He wants to dig himself under something, dirt or blankets and not come out for a while.

Instead, he forces himself to check the fridge for something edible and the first smile in hours flickers over his face as he spots a cardboard container of fried rice from their favorite Chinese takeout place in it. There is a post-it stuck to the front with Ryan’s handwriting proclaiming it to be “For Shane” with a little heart doodled next to it. Shane pulls off the post-it and smiles down at it for a couple of seconds before grabbing the food. He dumps it on a plate and shoves it in the microwave, absentmindedly putting the post-it in the chest pocket of his flannel. When the food is relatively warm, he takes it out of the microwave and shovels it, still standing with his butt leaning against the counter, into his mouth. Of course it’s not as good as when it’s fresh, but Shane feels like Ryan treated him to dinner in a five star restaurant. It’s delicious and it settles in his stomach warm and secure, the familiar smell of fried rice, eggs, soy sauce and various veggies fill the kitchen and his nose. Shane feels a little better when he discards the container, puts the plate in the sink and heads into the bathroom to get ready for bed. He brushes his teeth and changes into his pajamas, warm fleece against his skin helping to calm down a little more.

 

When he enters the bedroom, his heart melts.

 

Shane can’t help it. The sight of Ryan always makes him a little happier, a little calmer, a little more… in love. But Ryan curled up on his side, phone in hand, wearing one of Shane’s old, soft t-shirts is a sight that makes Shane indescribably happy. His boyfriend is fast asleep, snoring just a tiny but with his mouth slightly open. They had texted while Shane was still at work. Ryan had deflected his attempt to apologize for being late and instead told Shane to come home soon and that he would be waiting. After a while, he had stopped responding and Shane is sure that Ryan did his best to stay awake but eventually just succumbed to his exhaustion, despite not wanting to stop chatting with Shane. It’s dumb and sweet and Shane feels weird and warm and tingly all over. He feels so touched he could probably cry.

 

Instead he carefully takes Ryan’s phone from his fingers and puts it on the nightstand before plugging it into the charger. Shane’s phone gets the same treatment before he stretches and then carefully crawls into bed next to Ryan, trying to move as little as possible. It doesn’t work out. The second Shane puts his head on the pillow, he sees Ryan’s eyes flutter open a little.

 

“Shane?”

Shane feels himself smile softly as he scoots closer.

“Hey, babe. Sorry for waking you. I’m home now, you can sleep some more.”

He half expects Ryan to drift off again, but instead the other man smiles at him and opens his arms, throwing a leg over Shane’s hip. His fingers curl around Shane’s shoulders and coax him closer until Shane falls into him with a sigh. His forehead settles on Ryan’s shoulder first as strong arms wrap around his back. Shane wraps one of his arms around Ryan in response and curls the other one up between them. Ryan pulls up his knees and wraps his legs around Shane’s middle, pulling him in until Shane is pressing his face against Ryan’s chest, feeling like his heart might burst. Ryan’s hold is firm but loving and Shane could spend weeks in this embrace. He wants to hug Ryan even tighter, tighter and closer until they can melt into each other and become one. Ryan chuckles a little and the laughter rumbles in his chest, Shane’s hair tickling his own forehead as Ryan moves. Shane pulls his knees up until he’s more or less wrapped around Ryan. If they weren’t horizontal, Ryan would sit on his lap but like this, Shane can squeeze Ryan’s middle tight and hold him close, feeling almost enveloped enough to imagine the whole melting-into-each-other thing could really happen.

 

He knows that isn’t possible, but when Ryan kisses the top of his head and keeps holding him, Shane feels like he could believe that the world is perfect anyways.

 

“Welcome home.” Ryan says as he buries his face in Shane’s hair and Shane lets out a happy sigh and squeezes him in response. There is a soft “mrrp” from the door and he feels the bed dip as Obi gracefully jumps on the bed, next to their feet. Shane opens an eye to check in with Ryan, but his boyfriend only smiles when Obi plants himself right between their tangled legs and turns into a warm, orange loaf. They always have to be mindful with Ryan’s allergy, but it’s light enough not to bother him too much unless he pets Obi too much or wakes with him draped over his head. Shane buries his face against Ryan’s chest again, nuzzling into the warmth and sighs happily when Ryan brings up a hand to stroke the back of his neck, playing with the longer hair there.

 

“Thank you.” Shane says, belatedly and feels Ryan smile against his hair.

 

They fall asleep like that, wrapped around each other with Obi purring as he soaks up their combined body heat. They will fall asleep like this for the rest of the week, Shane barely able to get enough of holding each other close. It’s what gets him through the week, really.

 

Well that and takeout.


End file.
